|Our story begins in the New Mexican desert, from a vantage|
point that makes people look like ants -- GIANT MUTANT ANTS
CREATED BY THE RADIOACTIVITY OF THE ATOMIC BOMB!
|Police officer James Whitmore is working with the plane|
above to locate a little girl ...
|... they find her in shock, with a look of horror on her face|
that can mean she's seen only one thing -- a "Keeping
Up with the Kardashians" marathon.
|And also because her family has been attacked by -- AAHHHH!|
Oh, sorry -- that's a yucca tree.
|That's better -- AAHHHHH! A giant ant with a face that|
looks like the front of a 1953 Chrysler!
|Called into the case are FBI agent Matt Dillon, who was|
attending a Green Hornet cosplay convention ...
|... and Dr. Kris Kringle, an ant expert (Matt Dillon brought|
eyeshades for everybody.)
|Led by Dr. Kringle, the humans begin a|
constructive dialogue with the giant ants.
|But there are a lot of giant ants and they're heading|
toward Los Angeles, lured by promises of
nice weather and good-paying jobs.
|The ants end up living in the Los Angeles river basin|
because they love the drag race scene from "Grease."
|The authorities try to keep everyone calm.|
|Tired of being upstaged by Matt Dillon and Dr. Kringle, Whitmore invades|
the ant lair in hopes of getting a Facebook selfie with the queen.
|The lawmen find a nest of newborn queens and celebrate|
the miracle of life by immolating them.
|The city is saved -- but despite the most fervent wishes|
of the little girl, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" is
still on the air.