|"Scandal Sheet" takes place in a mythical world|
where people still read newspapers.
|Rush Limbaugh plays Mark Chapman, hard-driving|
|Chapman has made the New York Express a circulation|
juggernaut by emphasizing misleading headlines ...
|... sensational stories ...|
|... and a comics page with "Marmaduke." People just|
love that doggone pooch!
|The stockholders don't like Chapman's sleazy approach,|
but they very much like their big dividend checks. Chapman's
goal is to reach 750,000 -- readers, not scowls.
|The newspaper's star reporters are Donna Reed,|
biding her time until a sitcom comes along ...
|... and John Derek, biding his time until|
he marries someone named Bo.
|At a lonely hearts dance sponsored by the paper,|
Chapman runs across the wife he abandoned years ago.
|They begin discussing old times.|
|But Chapman's wife's head gets discussed right into|
an iron pipe, and she is killed.
|At least it makes for a nice story.|
|Derek and his photographer sidekick, Col. Potter|
from "M*A*S*H," set out to solve the case.
|You'd sweat, too, if you felt the long arm of justice reaching|
right up into the bowels of your guilty conscience.
|In the end, the reporters get their man ...|
|... and the circulation of the Express |
finally reaches 750,000 because of the story ...
|... and the addition of "The Lockhorns" to|
the comics page.